feels

sometimes it feels as if the world is crashing in around me and i'm suffocating from simply having to take another breath.

i don't know why life is so easy for some and a living nightmare for others. i'll never understand why my brother received all of the brains and i received all of the sadness. or why my mom had to die before she taught me everything a mother should teach a daughter. or why my best never seems to be quite good enough for others.

but i do know that there is nothing more painful than loving someone who will never love you back and nothing sadder than watching pink roses wilt and die. i know that once second best, always second best. i know that i could sleep for three days straight and still be tired. and i know that this world will never be as beautiful to the 20 year old mind as it is to the six year old soul.

people constantly try to get me to open up. "share the feels" as they say. but they forget that i am the girl who patiently sat in mr. lauwers' office for four years in complete silence. he once told me he would give anything in the world to be able to read my mind. but isn't that the beauty of insanity? isn't that the best kept secret of life?
"it's all in your head, alice."
we lose our minds but nobody knows it except our aching souls that are forced to feel it deep in our core at four in the morning when the city is sleeping but our minds are awake with chaos. and sometimes those feels make me so exhausted that there's no use in telling people about them, because they'll never understand. the human race will never be able to take someone's pain and put it in themselves. no one will ever be able to physically feel someone's sadness or anger or despair. and if no one will ever truly understand what it feels like, then what's the point of setting the demons free? they're never going to disappear.

"we stop looking for monsters under the bed when we realize they're inside of us."