Thursday, October 31, 2013

recut horror trailers

happy halloween! in honor of this horrifying holiday that had me sleeping in my dad's room every year until i was sixteen out of terror that michael myers was going to pop up, i thought i would show you some of the best movies that have been cut into horror trailers. they're pretty legit if i do say so myself.
stay safe tonight and eat lots & lots of candy :)

The Lion King

Mean Girls

Back to the Future

Horrible Bosses

Mary Poppins

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

The Sound of Music

Mrs. Doubtfire

Toy Story 3

and just in case you don't like horror movies, here's Harry Potter as a comedy

xoxo, stephy

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

a memoir

today the cultural club in north quad had this activity where we decorate sugar skulls in honor of the dead, which is a popular mexican tradition. the girl explaining it said they don't mourn the death of a loved one, but instead focus on celebrating their life. while i'm a firm believer that mourning is a large part of death, i decorated one anyway and wrote my mom's name on it in memory of her.
and then i started thinking about the memoirs we wrote in ap lit senior year. we could write about any memory we wanted, and i immediately thought of my favorite memory with my mom. so here's the memoir i wrote. it's called "the summer of happiness".

It is a warm summer day. The sun is shining and there is a gentle breeze in the air.
            “Stephy! Lunch is here!” I hear my mom call to me. I swim to the edge of the pool and lift myself up and out of the water. I look around at my surroundings. I see the familiar setting of the Country Club Pool, my second home in the summer. I scramble over to our seats in the shade and grab a big fluffy towel that smells of countless summer memories.
            My mom is setting out my favorite lunch as I dry off: chicken fingers, fries, extra ketchup, and a blue-raspberry slushy. We make small talk but mostly just enjoy each other’s company as we eat our scrumptious meals.
This is how I have always remembered spending my summers. Almost everyday consists of swimming at the place I consider my own. All of the lifeguards let me sit with them while on duty and the entire wait staff knows me by name. The world did not need to be bigger than that fenced in pool area; I had all of the happiness a girl could ask for right here.
I look at my mom sitting across from me as she holds her latest novel in one hand and a french fry in the other. She’s wearing a big sun hat and a protective cover up, even though we’re seated in the shade. This is one of the changes I’ve noticed in my mother lately. The sun is her worst enemy and sunscreen her best friend. She never explains to me why our new favorite section has suddenly moved to the area shaded by the big Oak tree, but I just accept the changes and don’t think much of it.
My mom looks up at me now and notices me watching her. She smiles and puts her book down She asks me how my food is, but already knows the answer.
“Yummy!” I tell her as I eat the last of the fries.
I yawn widely and realize how tired I have become. I walk over to her and sit in her lap, resting my head on her shoulder. She lies down on the pool chair and I snuggle up in her arms.
“Mommy, will you tell me a story?” I ask her, already feeling the calm tiredness coming over me.
So she begins my favorite fairytale, the one about a special little princess with beautiful long hair who meets her perfect prince and achieves all of her dreams. I drift off to sleep as her voice fills my mind and the tranquility of the moment takes over. I could lay like that forever, a daughter in her mother’s arms.

I awake on that same chair eleven years later on a dreary summer day with the same long hair, except I am no longer in my mother’s arms. It seems her darling little princess lost her protector to a demon called cancer and those magical summers disappeared. I sit up and look around. I am laying in our normal spot in the shade but there is no laughter to fills my ears and no companion by my side. I lay back down and close my eyes, desperate to see her face again, to feel her warmth, to recognize her love. But the images are gone, washed away by the sadness that fills my mind. With a heavy heart I realize that my memories are all I have left of my mother and the summers we shared can only be relived in my dreams. 

xoxo, stephy

Friday, October 25, 2013


sometimes it feels as if the world is crashing in around me and i'm suffocating from simply having to take another breath.

i don't know why life is so easy for some and a living nightmare for others. i'll never understand why my brother received all of the brains and i received all of the sadness. or why my mom had to die before she taught me everything a mother should teach a daughter. or why my best never seems to be quite good enough for others.

but i do know that there is nothing more painful than loving someone who will never love you back and nothing sadder than watching pink roses wilt and die. i know that once second best, always second best. i know that i could sleep for three days straight and still be tired. and i know that this world will never be as beautiful to the 20 year old mind as it is to the six year old soul.

people constantly try to get me to open up. "share the feels" as they say. but they forget that i am the girl who patiently sat in mr. lauwers' office for four years in complete silence. he once told me he would give anything in the world to be able to read my mind. but isn't that the beauty of insanity? isn't that the best kept secret of life?
"it's all in your head, alice."
we lose our minds but nobody knows it except our aching souls that are forced to feel it deep in our core at four in the morning when the city is sleeping but our minds are awake with chaos. and sometimes those feels make me so exhausted that there's no use in telling people about them, because they'll never understand. the human race will never be able to take someone's pain and put it in themselves. no one will ever be able to physically feel someone's sadness or anger or despair. and if no one will ever truly understand what it feels like, then what's the point of setting the demons free? they're never going to disappear.

"we stop looking for monsters under the bed when we realize they're inside of us."

Friday, October 4, 2013

stephy in wonderland

one of my all-time favorite stories is alice in wonderland, and for my birthday lauren got me the most incredible and beautiful version of it. i stayed up until 4:30 reading it and it made me feel so incredibly at home, it was surreal. you know at the beginning when she's falling down the rabbit hole and she's trying to recall all of these facts but she keeps mixing them up and she can't understand why she can't think properly?
i feel like that everyday. i'm surrounded by people who are so extremely intelligent and anytime i open my mouth, i wish i would have just closed it instead of speaking because the things i say never compare. everyone always seems so much more talented and so freaking self-assured. i'm so tired of trying to prove myself, and especially trying to prove my worth. i'm so tired tired tired tired tired. i'm so tired and all i can do is be tired. and even being tired makes me tired. i wake up tired and i go to bed tired and sleeping makes me tired and all throughout the day i'm so tired i could collapse.
i love alice in wonderland so much because wonderland is a place where being crazy is celebrated. you don't have to prove that you can solve the hardest math equations or be able to speak fluently in french because nothing makes sense in wonderland. i want to live in a place where everyone is just as messed up and out of their mind as i am. i want a place that's so magical and so far away from reality that i would never have to worry about this silly life and all of the complications it throws my way. i want a place where i can fall so far down the rabbit hole that no one would ever be able to find me.

"if i had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. and contrary wise, what it is, it wouldn't be. and what it wouldn't be, it would. you see?"