Tuesday, December 4, 2012

infinite

i'm sitting here in the hallway because i don't like the dark and i should be busting away at the piles of homework i have, but i am stephanie and i don't function that way. my mind is all jumbly and i'm trying to find my happy place but i can't because everytime i think of london i get this terribly sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. i was so incredibly happy when i was there; it didn't matter that i wasn't the best photographer in the group or the funniest person or the smartest kid. i was in a city i love with amazing new friends doing the one thing in this world that makes me happy. i felt like i was home. and now i'm sitting here months later and i feel so completely alone it's unreal.

you know that feeling when it seems as if you aren't good enough or smart enough or pretty enough? i'm not enough. i'm never enough. it's like you try so hard for absolutely nothing. suddenly you're not enough for the people around you and they just drop you. poof. you're only included when they want you, when they feel like it, when you're deemed worthy enough.

and while people may not realize that they're doing anything, you're constantly aware of it. you sit there and you notice every little damn detail. every inside joke that you're on the outside of. every sentence that has a double meaning in hopes you'll only see the side they want you to see. every time they tell you you're wrong because you don't feel the same way as them or believe the same thing or conform your life to match theirs. so eventually you just stop and sit there and tune them out. you blare music they'll never understand or make up stories in your head of a life you've longed for or think of a cozy little dorm room in the heart of london where you realized what it felt like to follow your dreams, to be happy. maybe you don't do this. maybe it's just me. and maybe they really are right when they tell me i'm crazy.

the trailer for the perks of being a wallflower was released while i was in london. i remember sitting at my desk in the dark, my room faintly illuminated by my computer screen and the beautiful city outside, the rain lightly tapping against my open window. i watched the trailer for the first time and i just cried. it's weird seeing your favorite books come to life before your eyes. and while the actual movie was a tad disappointing because it left out almost all of my favorite quotes, i thought the trailer was amazing and beautiful and completely full of hope, just like the book that helped me get through some of the toughest times in my life.

my aunt carla and i took a red eye flight to london, so i restlessly slept during a majority of it. but at one point, around 2 in the morning, i woke up and decided to peek out the window. i don't know if any of you have ever looked at the stars from 30,000 feet, but it is the most beautiful sight you will ever see. they're so big; space is so big. it isn't a question of whether it is enough, because it is never-ending. i sat there holding my scratchy Delta blanket behind my head to block the light and looked out at all of those stars. the stars that were around long before i existed and will still be going strong long after i'm gone. the stars that hold so much beauty, that know no limits, that give us the hope that our dreams are as endless as the night sky. and in that moment, i felt it. that feeling that has made me fight for my dreams and given me so much hope. that feeling that told me i wasn't just living, i was alive. that feeling that i've only felt once, and may very well never feel again. i looked out at the stars and felt something that i've longed for ever since i read the words from the book that has saved me so many times. infinite.




Monday, November 12, 2012

rainy day playlist

It's been a rainy, cold monday here in ann arbor so here's a nice little rainy day playlist :) happy listening & i hope you have a sunny day despite the weather!

Rainy Monday - Shiny Toy Guns

Rainy Day - Plain White T's

It's Raining Men - Weather Girls

Come Clean - Hilary Duff
(LAGUNA BEACH INTRO SONG, ANYONE!?!?!!? BEST. SHOW. EVER.)

A New Day Has Come - Celine Dion

About Rain - Sequoyah Prep School
**FAVORITE SONG ALERT**

Rain - The Beatles

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone - Bill Withers

Rain Over Me - Pitbull ft. Marc Anthony

Don't Rain On My Parade - Glee 

Feel Like Rain - Motion City Soundtrack

It Will Rain - Bruno Mars

Set Fire To The Rain - Adele

Turn The Sunshine On - Suckers

Let the Sunshine In - Hair

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Meet Jack!

I was looking at a few different cameras on lomography.com when i stumbled upon one of the most perfect cameras to ever grace the lomography world: a limited edition sardina camera inspired by London (sardina cameras have a wide angle lens, for anyone who is curious). i pretty much fell in love instantly but forced myself to wait to get him until my birthday. well my birthday finally arrived and so did my beloved new baby :) i decided to name him Jack (as in the Ripper) because he's going to take killer pictures (LULZ) and jack the ripper fascinates me.
so here he is in all of his beautiful glory :)









Saturday, September 22, 2012

favorite covers playlist

I'm a sucker for a good cover, so I made a playlist of some of my favorite ones. Happy listening!
-stephy

21 Guns - American Idiot The Musical (Green Day)

Colorblind - Natalie Walker (Counting Crows)

Whatever You Like - Anya Marina (T.I.)

Wicked Game - Gemma Hayes (Chris Isaak)

Sunday Bloody Sunday - Lisa
(i can't find any videos of just the song on youtube so i had to use the video of this dance lulz. it's a fantastic dance, though!)



Without You - Glee (David Guetta)

When I Grow Up - Mayday Parade (The Pussycat Dolls)

Karma Police - Panic! at the Disco (Radiohead)

Amazing Grace - LeAnn Rimes

Time to Dance - String Quartet (Panic! at the Disco)

I Wear My Stunna Glasses At Night - Federation (Corey Hart)

Fly/I Believe I Can Fly - Glee (Nicki Minaj & Rihanna; R. Kelly)

Phantom of the Opera - Lindsey Stirling

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

BOOK HAUL #3

yes, i know. i have a problem. over the last two weeks, i have been accumulating books galore. they're all from urban outfitters, the barnes and noble store in the umich union, and this awesome new bookstore i just discovered downtown. obviously i am still mourning the death (yes, death. MURDER, really) of borders so i am out to find a new favorite bookstore. i believe i just found it. i wandered into Dawn Treader Book Shop last week and fell in absolute love. it is the most chaotic bookstore i have ever seen, with books crammed into bookshelves and piled high up to the ceiling from the floor. they have everything from new books to first editions to signed copies. i even found a few old library books for sale. but the best part? EVERYTHING IS HALF OFF. some of the hardcovers i bought look as if they're in brand new condition but each one was at LEAST half the original price, if not 75% off. it's amazing. however, the store's selection is all over the place so you have to hunt, and i mean HUNT to find what something you want. but i have never felt so calm in a store as i do there. i believe i have found book heaven.
anyway! on to the haul! enjoy!
-stephy

Lifted 
By Wendy Toliver
read the goodreads.com summary here
this book is supposed to make you really consider morality and the true goodness of people, so it should be a good story. i also really like the colors of the words on the cover and the lighting of the picture. those aspects encouraged me to take this with me when i checked out :)

Bared to You
By Sylvia Day
read the goodreads.com summary here
this book is supposed to be very, VERY similar to 50 Shades of Grey, except better written. if you know me, then you know that i am obsessed with christian grey. and when i say obsessed, i mean OBSESSED. he is perfection. ANYWAY. i saw this book (the cover looks just like a 50 shades book would so i picked it up) and i basically freaked right there in the umich bookstore. 

 The Wah Nails Book of Nail Art
By Sharmadean Reid
i picked this up at urban outfitters during their college student sale. it has awesome photography and music playlists to go along with the nail themes. and nail polish is one of my biggest obsessions (NAIL POLISH HAUL ANYONE!?!?!) so it was a must-buy.  

Daniel Half and The Human Good Nazi
By David Chotjewitz
read the goodreads.com summary here
i found this is my new favorite bookstore. it's very different from the books i usually go to (distopian, art, & romance) but WWII is probably my favorite war to read about, so i'm very excited to get started on this!

Deadly Little Lies
By Laurie Faria Stolarz
read the goodreads.com summary here
i also found this at my new favorite bookstore. i read the first one (deadly little secret) a few years ago and i believe it completely freaked me out, therefore i loved it. i love the covers for this series. each one is very haunting and eerie. i think i'm going to reread the first book before i start this one so i'm not confused, but i definitely recommend this series!

Instant Love
By Jenifer Altman, Susannah Conway, and Amanda Gilligan
this is another book from UO and i deemed it a necessity for my bookshelf. it's filled with ideas of this to do with polaroids and it's AWESOME. i'm obsessed with polaroids (still trying to decide what polaroid camera to get D: ) so when i saw this (ON SALE FOR $2. yes, that's right. TWO DOLLARS) i almost cried from happiness. the children (my cameras lulz) are quite content with it. :)   

The Lovely Bones
By Alice Sebold
read the goodreads.com summary here
not going to lie, i just really wanted to buy a book from the bookstore in the union, and this is the closest i could find to something i would like out of their (very) limited selection. all i know is that it is heartbreakingly heartbreaking (if that makes sense) and it will probably haunt me (so basically i'm going to love it). I CAN'T WAIT TO START IT. 

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children
By Ransom Riggs
read the goodreads.com summary here
I wasn't planning on reading this book but i'm a part of a few different young adult book clubs on goodreads and this is one of the books for the month of september. i figured i might as well pick it up at the UO student sale and give it a try. i'm quite sure the pictures alone will give me nightmares, so i can't even imagine what the actual story is going to do. i might wait until october though so i can do a halloween themed tbr (to be read) for that month.

Notes From The Teenage Underground
By Simmone Howell
read the goodreads.com summary here
this one looks so incredibly good to me and i feel like no one knows about it, which makes me sad. but i'm so excited to read it (mainly because it's about fiiiilm and making movies and it's challenging to find interesting books on that subject. so YAY! 

The Queen of Everything
By Deb Caletti
read the goodreads.com summary here
this book has been on my list for a while and i finally got around to picking it up after i saw it at my bargain book store. it has mixed reviews, but it was only $3.50 so i figured whatevs, if i don't like it no biiig. 

Quoteskine Volume 1
By Lee Crutchley
i actually picked this up today in UO while i was in there hunting for something ELSE (you'll hear about that very soon..STAY TUNED THIS MONTH) but it's full of lyrics and quotes and illustrations that this artist loved and it has lots of inspirational things in it so i thought it would be fun to add to my bookshelf (i love fun coffee table type books, if you couldn't tell) 

Teen Idol
By Meg Cabot
read the goodreads.com summary here
i used to adore meg cabot when i was younger, so i thought i would give her books another go. this one looks like just a fun read so hopefully it poses as a nice break from the heftyness schoolwork brings!

Friday, September 7, 2012

sadface playlist

sadness sucks. music helps.
-stephy

speeding cars- imogen heap

i can feel a hot one - manchester orchestra

existentialism on prom night - straylight run

signs - bloc party

holocene - bon iver

river flows in you - yiruma

stars and boulevards - augustana

fall to pieces - avril lavigne

silver sorrow - azure ray

creep (radiohead cover) - jayme dee


the rose - bette midler

middle distance runner - sea wolf

song of the caged bird - lindsey stirling

everytime - britney spears

oh well, oh well - mayday parade

hey there delilah (plain white t's cover) 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

meet delilah!

a couple days ago i was walking around downtown and decided to stop in urban outfitters. it's been kind of rocky getting adjusted to college life and i've been feeling pretty down lately, so i decided to hunt for a new camera while i was in there. i finally decided on the pink fisheye that i have been wanting for some time now. i think fisheye pictures can be super fun, especially at the various (crazy) events that often come with the college package. i decided to name her delilah (one of my favorite names<3) and i've already started putting her to use!
lauren (my roomie & bff from high school) and i trundled our beds and my bed is on the top so i have tons of wall space up there. i really want to start a photo collage from all of the pictures i've been taking on my film cameras. i'm putting harry to use like crazy and i'm working on getting lola and delilah through a couple rolls before i take the film in to be printed. i'll post pictures once i get it started!
keep calm & snap on, my friends!
-stephy





Sunday, September 2, 2012

Book Haul!

well first off, i'm SUPER excited because i just won a book giveaway from goodreads.com YIPPEEE! it's the book Breathe by Sarah Crossan and it has gotten AMAZING reviews so i am freaking out and can't wait for it to arrive :D want to see what it's about? here's the summary!


alrighty! onto the book haul! 
A few days ago my university had Meijer Mania and, being the loser I am, I decided to get some books. I also went to Urban Outfitters and picked up a book I have been craving and another copy of one I already have.


I Am Number Four The Lost Files: The Legacies
By Pittacus Lore
to see the bookreads.com click 

Keeping Secrets
By Alyson Noel
read the goodreads.com summary here
apparently this is two different books by Alyson Noel: Saving Zoe and Faking 19. oh well, BONUS!

Diplo's Visual Guide To Music, Culture, and Everything In Between
this isn't a novel but more of an artsy book with awesome photography and tons of playlists from around the world. i've been crushing on this book for a while and i finally went downtown to urban outfitters and picked it up. it hasn't disappointed yet :D

**FAVORITE BOOK ALERT** 
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower
By Stephen Chbosky
Read the goodreads.com summary here
i already have this book/read this book but i wanted a copy to keep in my dorm room because i've been obsessed with it ever since i read it a couple years ago. it's an amazing book filled with even more amazing quotes that get stuck in my brain and haunt my dreams and basically fill my entire life. i really want to reread it before the movie comes out so i'm quite excited that i found it tucked away in UO. READ. THIS. BOOK.

are you as excited for the movie to come out as i am?! here's the trailer!

well, those are my latest books! enjoy! :)
-stephy


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

my happy place

yesterday i moved into my dorm room. it was such chaos that i basically didn't have time to think at all. so when i woke up this morning, i felt pretty alone and homesick and not comfortable in my new room whatsoever. one of my favorite teachers from high school always told me when i was stressed or upset to block out the world and go to my "happy place." last year we decided my happy place was london, seeing as i was getting ready to study with national geographic there this past july. so as i sat here earlier today listening to my "lonely" playlist (i'll post it for you guys sometime), i decided to look through my london pictures and try to visit my happy little place across the pond where i fell in love with the most amazing city (besides new york!!) this past summer.
here are some of the pictures i've gotten around to editing so far. i've been trying different styles with these to see what i like. i'm all over the place with them. i'm reallyyy liking the black and white so far, though. we'll see where i go with the rest of the ones i have yet to tackle :) i hope you enjoy them!
-stephy








Sunday, August 26, 2012

my "stressing out" playlist

i'm currently condensing my life to fit into a very small dorm room at the moment. how is a girl expected to fit her wardrobe into a dorm room closet? cue stephy frantically packing while trying to get a million other things crossed off her checklist. 
here are some of my favorite songs that help me when i stress out. i hope they help you de-stressify as well. Keep calm & carry on, my friends.
- Stephy

1. River Flows in You - Yiruma
my all time favorite. this song gets me through everything.

2. In Search Of (Cowboy Mike Remix) - Miike Snow


3. Sunday - Bloc Party
my favorite song in the entire solar system


4. Schitzo - Brokencyde
caution: this song is not for the faint of heart :| lots of screaming and anger and vulgar language will soon fill your eardrums after pushing the play button.


5. Baptism - Crystal Castles


6. I'm Not Alone (Deadmau5 remix) - Calvin Harris


7. Oh Well, Oh Well - Mayday Parade


8. Keep Holding On - Glee Cast


9. A New Day Has Come - Celine Dion


10. Swim - Jack's Mannequin


new books!

a couple days ago i was out and about downtown with my best friends lauren and vinnie and i convinced them to go to our little independent bookstore. i went in with the intention of getting Looking For Alaska by John Green, but it was sadly out of stock. :( instead i settled for two other books that have been on my to-read list for quite sometime. :) 




The Carrie Diaries by Candace Bushnell
Read the goodreads summary here.

i've wanted to read this book for a really long time but i had never gotten around to picking this up. HOWEVER, i am still ecstatic to read it because it is all about following your dreams (RIGHT TO NYC!!!!) and i know it's going to give me inspiration overload :):):)
PLUS, i just discovered that this book is going to be made into a tv series on the cw. *cue spazz attack*
want to watch the trailer? click here! :)


Divergent by Veronica Roth
Read the goodreads summary here.

Just about every book fanatic i follow online has talked about this book and i'm JUST now hopping on the bandwagon. i've heard mostly positive things about it, so i'm pretty stoked to start it (...once i finish the gazillion other books i have lined up before these two. lesigh)

welp, there we have it. i don't exactly know what i'm doing yet with these posts so i kind of just babble and hope people don't throw rotten veggies at their computer screen ;D 

HAPPY READING!

Welcome to my blog!

i figured for my first blog post i would make a stop motion video as a fun little kick-off! :D i hope you like it :) 
LET THE BLOGGING FEST BEGIN!!!!!
-stephy